Police chief explosion terror

The chief of police in Batabatabooberg exploded yesterday, in protest of wage cuts among the force. The lower salaries have been suggested to help save money to help buy new four-wheeled cars, but have been faced with disdain by members of the force.

In an interview yesterday, Maggatha, the widow of Chief Runningbull, said "I can't believe the fat bastard just exploded! I mean, I know he was pissed at the lower pay, but COME ON! Exploding? That's just fucked up!"

His children are said to be nonchalant.

Afflicted!

It seems, this night, there's something there
A joy, excitement in the air
That orange glow we talk about
When all the old people are out
And all the kids have gone to bed
and they all sleep so heavy

The streetlights flicker aimlessly
Like something out of Half Life 3
The flashing, the incessant strobe
The headbrain receiving a probe
And see you, spaccermong on ground
And chucking out an Eppy

We stand in circle, all around
And point and laugh at you on ground
The medication, pocket-gone
Call ambulance on telefon
Hey cunts, this guy is monging out
So get here fucking quickly!

SIngle and dorbsh

Slngle has his hair up in the wrong angle
at which Dorbsh's ponytail has started to dangle
their arms so hairy, they've started to tangle
together they were always busy with wrangle
their blood always covering the bar like spangle

Slngles condition was said to be sickness
as Dorbsh's they said was general thickness
of course neither were famous for quickness
their twatty ways always seem to be endless
also, their outfits were said to be extremely trendless

Slngle walked as in pain, his kneecaps were flinching
Dorbsh fat was so heavy his armpits would pinch him
he was always a bit angered because of all this pinching
together they'd move at a slow pace, just simply inching
to see tonight show and all the massive lynching

Slngle is tired and want the poem to be done
Dorbsh has yet to realise it has even begun
I'm sure if he knew, he'd agree it's been fun
and that Robbie Williams officially sings like a nun
I'm sorry to say but it's now time to run

Slngle is going to detract for flight
Dorbsh is going to turn off the light
they are ready to yawn and sneeze with delight
as everything slowly drifts out of sight
So sleep well you two, and I'll say goodnight.

Sportsweather

Drown your sorrows in sunscreen honey, cycling in the snow is going to be tough on your skin!

In studio today we have Lancie N. Mingle from O-zo-hot Make-Up Inc. to give you the best tip about sun and skin-care that you should have known already. The past week has been extremely sunny.

Yeah, it's important to avoid the most gay brands. Try to stick to products that are not wrapped in pink or has bows stuck on them, that will make you avoid the most scented ones.
If you can't afford good skin-care products or professional peeling (either chemical or with herbs) try using this facemask:
Mash one giant avocado in your face and spray with valium.
Your night out is secured.

Thank you Lancie N. Mingle. See you next week, or something.

AAAARGH YOUR BRAIN
*KRRRZZT* Coming out of your NOSE! *Frrrzzt* *pssh* *krrzt* *zip*
*schiiiiii*
*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Pyjama shortage

Pyjama wearers across the globe were shocked today, as nightwear manufacturers declared an international state of pyjamamergency. Fibres from the anus of the Silkshitting caterpillar have dried up, leaving factories clothless, and child labourers unemployed.

Emergency substitute banana fibres are being flown in from Panama, but if you don't like yellow jim-jams, you're fucked.

Over to Tora for the sportsweather. You slack-jawed yokel!

Day four

As Sandy has failed to talk Dingdong, Tombinson and Jamontigo into having a raging sex-orgie, she has retreated to the back of the Camping wagon, squeezed into the minuscule sleeping post to feel sorry for herself.

Dingdong was banging Tombinsons head into the ice, using his teeth to crack the thick ice flake they're living on earlier. After a few hours of hard work, there was barely much left of Tombinsons face, a bloodred gap was though, gaping trimumphantly in the ice.
Dingdong and Jamontigo created a fishing pole out of Sandys stilettoes and grilled themselves some colourful jellyfish that they caught.

Tombinson tried playing his mouth-harp, but couldn't, because his lips were so beefcaked and swollen he couldn't even talk. He decided to lie down on his back, his entire face covered with his homemade herb-salves and two giant raw seal steaks resting on his purple eyes.

Sandy has still not eaten since she got turned down.

Day three

Jamontigo is asleep. While Dingdong and Sandy paint his feet silver, they talking about their relationships.

Dingdong: I hate men.
Sandy: Frrrcrunasj Baffaprom (translation: Men are bastards).
Dingdong: They are.
Sandy: Goomprap (translation: I hate them).
Dingdong: Ever thought of becoming a lesbian?
Sandy: No (translation: No).
Dingdong: Ok.

Tombinson is slowly recovering from the salmon poisoning, and has begun to dance.

Day Two

(Commentary)
As Sandy hopelessly tried to explain to Ding-Dong, they are in need for water in the swimming pool to proceed their exciting game of water polo.
To speed up the action a bit, seahorses were sent to the set to make water polo a proper mix of actual polo as well as waterpolo.

Tombinson is struck with fever after eating salmon and is somewhere between life and death. Since nobody in the campingwagon at the time knows first aid, his chances are pretty slim. Jamontigo has repeatadly tried to cool him down by bringing in huge flakes of the iceberg, so far showing no results but melting jellyfish to rape Jamontigos eyes.

Sandy and Ding-dong emptied a bag of Nesquik into their empty puddle and sat chewing icecubes and spitting them into the pool to get enough liquid in to it. The bottom of the puddle is now covered in some brown gooey slime that the seahorses are splashing around in.

Day one

(Commentary)
Jamontigo is making a salmon breakfast for him and Tombinson. Tombinson is allergic to Salmon, and they're both treating this as an experiment. Jamontigo is hoping Tom will die, and he'll get to keep Tom's stuff. The producers aren't so sure about letting Tom perish, but they'll go along with it for the ratings boost.

Dingdong and Sandy are outside in the pool, playing water polo. They have yet to fill the pool with water, but that hasn't phased either of them yet.

One of the producers has thrown a chicken into boy's the bedroom. It's clucking and throwing it's own feathers everywhere.

The police said it was illegal for us to put cameras in the bathrooms, but we did it anyway.