Boffins to get striptease from Queen

Achievements of UK scientists are to be celebrated with an exhibition at Buckingham Palace, as reported by the BBC. The exhibition will pit 100 scientists against 800 students in a chainsaw jellyfish cage match to the death. Gambling has been legalised for the event, which will take place in the eastern wing of the palace, known as "the terror wing".

Other festivities will include the unveiling of a live pterosaur (recreated from DNA found in a time capsule left behind by the dinosaurs), a celebration of woodlouse engineering, the decomissioning of Britain's famous dog canopy, and as a grande finale the Queen's royal guards will perform Swan Lake, before killing each other to death.