Yes, yes. No. Yes, this just in.

Yes, no, I was supposed to be talking to this stupid old lady about how she knitted a 1:1 scale model of St Paul's Cathedral, but thank crikeyshits we have some real news coming in, as we speak.

Yes, it appears that the new, as yet uncompleted Wembley Stadium has been evacuated due to an explosion of platypi. The duck-billed menace started appear late yesterday afternoon, and workers thought they could control the beasts with sticks and shovels. They were very much mistaken, and at 4 this morning, the Queen ordered a complete evacuation of the grounds.



No. Yes.

RAF 4th Squadron (Team Trumpet) have been called in to clear the wreckage after destroying the semi-constructed shithole.

Lya is on the scene:

Yes.