Stock market report

Recently there's been a large increase of stockings on the stock market. People have stopped waving papers and coffee-mugs around - shouting, and have instead started to peel off their stockings and tossing them about like frolic sheep.

We are happy to report that every single person within the London Stock Exchange at given time, 2:30 PM today, has now gone completely bonkers.

Stick on to your stockings by stocking them safely, if you please.

And stock staring at my cleavage you dirty bastard. Now over to YOU - Fossie-bums. Thankyou.